January 7th - We're All Christian!

As I woke up to the loud sound of  TV news on the first morning of 2011 I tried to make sense of what I heard. An explosion outside an Alexandria church right during New Year's mass. The blood of the innocent spilled after an act of utter evil.

Sectarianism.

In Egypt.

I couldn't believe it. Al Qaida warned. They delivered twice first in Nigeria a few hours before midnight in Cairo, and they delivered again in the heart of Alexandria.

Stupid people are fighting and arguing endlessly on TV on whether it's Al Qaida or Mossad or CIA or whatever. I tell them what fucking difference does it make? They're all penetrated by each other anyways and are different faces of one ugly coin called evil.

Whoever is behind this has two goals. To make us afraid and to make us divided. He will succeed in some sense and fail miserably in another. Egypt can and will never be divided.

And this isn't because of the NDP style national unity that binds the weave of our society so tightly. It's because Egypt is an element of this universe. It was there before religion as we know it even existed. It's like the moon and the mountains and the angels and the prophets.

Egypt is eternal.

And on January 7th we will all be at church as one.... or die as one

Temptations

When we look at life we are a drop in the ocean looking at water around us. But when time passes we look at things from a bird's view. And any good you did will be remembered. And any bad you did will be remembered. 

What makes the difference is your intention.

The amount of evil in us as humans is unlimited. And to get yourself to do good is much more difficult than doing evil. That's us. Humans.

Therefore we should never forget the tenets of right and wrong. Because that's also human. If we had no good in us we'd be animals. And for some reason we're not.

Therefore we must accept what we can't change, change what we need to, and find the balance of the self. The middle self that controls everything. And set the boundaries, for this new self.

Temptations are cigarettes and heroin and chocolate and women and men 

Some things fall prey to human obsession, other people do as well. And the biggest sin against yourself isn't pride. It's obsessing. Because pride is a sort of obsession but with the self. But obsession can be with with anything. And the biggest sin ever is to let your mind get hijacked by someone or something.

Temptations are all embodied in me. My skin my hair my eyes are temptations. And my pinky could be a temptation. And my body covered head to toe in black can be a temptation, my scent, my heels. Oh yeah, that's why they used to burry me. So all these temptations wouldn't bring dishonor to my family. 

But nobody is going to burry me today! I will not put a tent and go around like a walking grave. I am life at its full. I dug myself out and I have a shovel in my hand. 

I will bash the heads of those who try to take that away from me. I earned my freedom by fighting my struggle and every one of us has a struggle. 

When time passes the picture is clearer. And all the dust has settled down. You can close your eyes and look. 

Sex in 2011

So how will the sex be in 2011?
Will it be intimate and private or out on the streets?
Will it be all over our billboards and television screens?

I want to flaunt my breasts like you but I won't.
Because my breasts are not made to be flaunted
Neither are yours

I am not veiled
Most people wouldn't even call me religious
But my breasts are not public
No matter what Calvin Klien  says or does

My breasts are where the hunger of my crying child will be satisfied
And where tenderness for my love will reside
They will be for the pleasure of those I choose
For my love and me alone

I don't know why I'm writing about my breasts
Maybe because they're sore from menstruation
Maybe because I want them to be kissed and loved
But I don't want them to be sold and bought

An Arab Woman Blues - Reflections in a sealed bottle...: Wars - Beginnings with no End

An Arab Woman Blues - Reflections in a sealed bottle...: Wars - Beginnings with no End:

"Let me recall . Actually I do not need to recall , its all very vivid in my memory .
First war , 1967 - We spent many weeks in shelters . I started seeing black .
Then came 1973- I used to stand on the balcony and count the numbers of israeli jets that would fly over my little head . Wondering why the skies turned suddenly gray . I started picking black clothes .
Then the Lebanese civil War1975 . I smelled the rotten flesh on the streets .I wore black.
Then the Iraqi- Iranian War 1980 - I wore black .
Then the Isreali invasion of Lebanon- 1982. I wore black .
Then Gulf war I- 1990 . I wore black for 40 days.
Then Gulf war II -2002 or was it 2003 . I wore black.
and now Lebanon again -2006 . Am wearing black again .
Have not counted the intifadas , nor the incursions in Jenin, Rafah, Ramallah , Gaza nor the dead in the streets of Baghdad."

-Ishtar
Today I decided I will no longer wear black.

Arab Women

The psychology of Arab women is messed up. So is the psychology of Arab men. The same goes for western gender psychologies. And also human kind.

Women have been and under all forms of government, religions, through all stages of history, suppressed & discriminated against. But that's not what I'm about to write about. I want to write about the way out.

All we need is respect. Self respect. We women view ourselves as weak and thus enforce society's patriarchal view that we are. But originally it stems from us. As long as we feel powerless, we will be. The common mistake is we search for our power every where except within ourselves. Our very own individual selves. We look for externalities to support us. But the real power is inside you. Claim it to be yours! but that's only the beginning. If you don't use it to improve your life and the lives of those around you, you have failed your purpose. Not as a female, but as a human.

The World

The meaning of the world is two things.
One is black and one is white.
One is deep and one is shallow
One is now and one is ever

Loss and love and children's cries
Birds chirping the sun to rise
Mountains and glaciers, volcanos and oceans
And a tiny ant looking for crumbs

The meaning of the world is two things.
Behind them both is one.

Zubayda

The wife of Haroon.. A name I chose for its meaning. As it means the most beautiful of beauty and the core of all truths. Zubayda is a simple lather on an ocean wave. Gone before you can admire its beauty.
I am embarking on an adventure and I'd like you to come with me. A journey into the soul and into the truth. Fly through my heart and let me roam through yours. Open the iron doors and spare my prisoned screams. Let me untangle those rusty chains, give me your hand and let's run free.